I Hate James
by AndAllThatGoodStuff
Summary: For the record, I never, not once, ever lied to you about any of this. I just never mentioned it before. I am sorry about that. So, here it is. I hate James. One-sided Kogan. K plus because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**I Hate James**

**Chapter 1  
**

_Dear Logan,_

_I've taken it upon myself to tell you the truth. _

_For the record, I never, not once, ever lied to you about any of this. I just never mentioned it before. I am sorry about that. So, here it is. I hate James. Well, actually, hate doesn't really cover it. Despise is a better word for it though, it still doesn't cover it. Anyway, right about now, there are probably at least three questions going through your head: Since when? Why do I feel the way I do? And, Why did I wait until now, to tell you?_

_Okay, so, I guess I'll start with when I started all this. To be completely honest with you, it was the exact moment you came to me, that day, talking about running into James at his work. At first, it was just a little jerk in my stomach, so I didn't really think anything of it. Then you went on and on about how you liked him, and he liked you. The jerk suddenly turned into a…well, I'm not sure exactly how to explain, but whatever it was, it hurt. And as the days went on, and you continued about James, the feeling got worse and grew, and became even more painful…kind of like a tumor. And every time you say his name or talk about him, or I see that picture of you two kissing, I go crazy, and the pain in my gut comes back._

_The reason I feel like this, is a little complicated…because I'm not exactly sure why. All I know is that I do, and there's only so much I can do to keep it quiet. But even I know that it won't work for long. I can't say I've never been jealous over you, because then I would be lying. The truth is, yes, I have, but never nearly this bad - if jealousy is even what this is. I'm not all that sure. All I know is it's a very strong feeling, and not at all good. Not with Camille, not when you liked that dude in 4H, was it ever this bad. There was a sting, true, but nothing this bad. _

_I've heard a couple different theories why this happening, and so far only one has come up more than once, and in some form makes sense. And that is that none of them were a threat, but James is. It makes sense, because it's true, even a little, if not much, much more._

_The reason I didn't tell you seems to be the easiest of them all. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Come up to you and say I hate him, with a passion. I hate how whenever you talk about him or think about him, you get this twinkle in your eye and a lovesick look on you face. I hate how whenever he texts you, you sigh this lovesick girly sigh. And I hate how you get all excited when you're going to hang out with him, and get all upset when you can't. Is that it? Is that what you want me to do? Because if it is, I'm sorry but to me, it's just not right. I couldn't do it. Not to mention, I didn't tell you because you're happy. Truly happy. There's a quote, you probably know it; it says that "when you love someone, truly love them, then there's nothing you won't do for them…even if it means ignoring your own pain."_

_It fits here, because I love you, truly love you Logan. And since you're happy, that's all that counts. My feelings don't matter, only yours. Only your feelings matter here. So if you're happy, then I can deal. I can pull up my big boy pants and get over it. Which is what I'm going to do. I swear to you, I will get over this. I'm just telling you now, to either explain myself for doing what I didn't mean to, or to try to prevent it from happening. I'm sorry. I really am. If you're upset, I understand. If you want some time alone, okay. Whatever you want, I'll do it. Whether it be leave you alone, or whatever, I'll do it, without complaint. I promise. Just tell me, and I'll do it. _

_With all the love in my heart,_

_Kendall Knight._

I sighed and folded the paper. I stuffed it into an envelope, licked it, and sealed it. "Hey, Kendall." I jumped and turned to face the person the voice belonged to. Logan stood in the doorway of our room with an amused, crooked smile and raised brow. "We're all going down to the pool. You wanna come?"

"Oh, uh, y-yeah, sure." I recomposed myself. "I'll be there in a second."

"Cool," He eyed me for a second longer. I smiled, trying to discretely hide the envelope in my hand behind my back. He still looked a bit suspicious but fortunately let it pass and left.

I released the breath I was holding and quickly pulled a book off the self. It was an old and dusty, volume Z encyclopedia. It would be perfectly hidden there; nobody uses those anymore. And besides it's volume Z - Z and Q are the most useless letters in the alphabet. I quickly stuffed the letter between two random pages and stuck the book back on the shelf.

Feeling satisfied with the hiding place, I quickly changed into my trunks and went walked out to the living room where the guys were waiting for me. "Finally!" Carlos sighed.

"Yeah, what were you doing in there?" James asked leaning on Logan, using his shoulder as some sort of armrest.

I resisted the urge to glare at the tall boy, instead forcing a smile and rubbing the back of my neck. "I, uh, couldn't find my trunks." I lied.

James and Logan seemed to accept it but Carlos' look went skeptic (he was the only person who knew about my feelings for Logan) before turning back and grinning widely again. "Alright! Let's head to the pool!" He exclaimed in his usual Carlos manner.

We all let out cheers of agreement, I put on my usual smile and headed out the door.

**A friend of mine inspired me to write this. Another friend of mine thinks that Kendall and James may have a little rivalry going on. And I agree! They may have a tiny, semi-friendly one, but can no one else feel it?**

**Totally crossing my fingers for this one.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I Hate James**

**Chapter 2**

I sat back in my pool lounger. The sun was shining and the sky was clear. There was a slight breeze so it wasn't too hot. It was the perfect day for anyone to relax, but I just couldn't. My eyes were fixed on the splash war occurring just a few feet away from me. James and Logan were just casually talking and obviously flirting with one another one moment and I guess James made some kind a snarky comment because Logan splashed him, getting a mass of his hair wet. James shrieked but then laughed and splashed Logan back - so on and so forth. Before long they were laughing and splashing in the pool together.

I sighed, sinking lower into my pool chair. "I don't get it." A voice came from beside me.

"You have to be a bit more specific, Carlos." I responded, barely taking my eyes off the scene in front of me.

I heard him huff and he was undoubtedly rolling his eyes. "I mean, how can you sit here watching the person you love fall for someone else?"

"It's just that. I love him." I finally looked towards him. "As long as Logan is happy with James, then I'm happy."

Carlos didn't respond for a while. He sat there and stared at me, his eyes narrowed, his brow furrowed; completely silent. I figured he was probably trying to read me, but I sat expressionless, motionless, and gazing right back at him. If anyone were to witness the scene, they would think that we were in an intense staring contest. The silence was broken when Carlos finally spoke, "That's a load of crap and you know it."

Five minutes of pure silence and that's his response? I raise my brow at him.

"You think that no one notices, but I'm more observant than you think." He looked towards the pool, watching James and Logan try and dunk each other. "Whenever James and Logan are together you get all tense. It's like you're trying not to sock him in the jaw."

That was putting it lightly.

"You shouldn't hold things in Kendall."

"I'm not holding anything in. I talk to you about it all the time."

"But you're still holding back."

"I can't tell you everything Carlos."

"Why not?"

"Because it would mess everything up!" I said a little louder than intended. We both glanced around the pool to see several people give use strange looks before going back to their previous activities. I sighed, lowering my voice again. "Some things are better left unsaid." I told him just as Logan and James approached us.

"Hey, what's going on over here?" James asked.

"Nothing." I answered curtly.

James' brow shot up in surprise and confusion. There was a flash of hurt in his eyes before it quickly flickered away. I'd be lying if I said I felt guilty about it. "Are you sure? You look pretty worked up about something." Logan spoke next.

"Everything's fine, Logie. Don't worry about it." I stood and stretched. "I'm gonna head up to the apartment." I told them as I walked to the lobby.

I was completely aware of the three pairs of eyes staring at me as I disappeared behind the doors of the elevator. James and Logan have, no doubt, started interrogating Carlos about what was going on now that I was out of ear-shot. And if I knew Carlos he would rattle off some lame excuse that only made sense if you didn't think about it.

I sighed, pushing some random button and leaned back against the wall of the vehicle.

I couldn't help how I acted towards James. Sometimes everything just became too much and I had to take it out on somebody. Mom and Katie weren't a good idea, unless you had a death wish. Carlos would only nag me some more and I didn't want to have to deal with him. Logan didn't deserve it; he didn't do anything.

Granted, James didn't do anything either, but he has what I want and I hate it.

I hate him.

It might have sounded childish, and it probably was; I was probably the worst friend ever, but, at this point, I didn't give a fuck. It wasn't fair. I've known Logan longer, I know him better, and I loved him first. Then, one day, I turn my back and James just swoops in and takes him from me. I had been trying and failing to win Logan over since we were ten. What could James have possibly done to make Logan fall so hard, so fast?

I let out a groan, frustratingly running both of my hands through my hair. Why did I keep doing this to myself? I had to let Logan go. Logan wanted to be with James, and in order for everything to stay normal I had to keep my emotions in check. I had to accept that Logan doesn't love me. He loves James.

"_Damn it!"_

My hands balled into fists and, without thinking, I turned my body and punched the nearest wall. I slowly lowered my hands back to my sides and became aware of my surroundings. I was standing in an empty hallway, and not the hallway where my apartment was located. I looked at the door of one of the nearby apartments and saw 6K. This wasn't even my floor. In a thoughtful haze, my mind must have gone on auto pilot and this is where I ended up.

_This thing has got me more screwed up than I realized, _I thought with a groan, once again running a hand through my hair. It was then that I got a good look at my knuckles. They were scratched and bruised and beginning to swell.

_Great._

I began to grumble to myself all the way to apartment. On the way to the elevator, I grumbled about stupid James. I grumbled about the stupid hotel wall on the ride in the elevator. On the walk to the apartment I grumbled about how much my stupid knuckles hurt, and while cleaning the scratches and wrapping my hand, I grumbled about how stupid I was for grumbling to myself for the past twenty minutes.

I huffed and made my way to my room. I needed to vent. Obviously the letter I wrote that morning wasn't enough. I reached for the encyclopedia I hid the envelope in and flipped through it.

Nothing.

I blinked; my brows furrowed in confusion. I flipped through it again, then again, and again. I still found nothing. But that was impossible. I knew I put it here before we left for the pool and no one went up to the apartment.

But when I left the pool, I didn't go straight to the apartment. Who knows how long I was just wondering around? Any of the guys could have gone up to the apartment to look for me and found it.

I let out another groan.

"Fuck."

**You guys wanted more, and after forever, here it is. Sorry if it sucked.**

**Anyway, I've decided to continue it, so if you guys have any ideas, feel free to give them.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**I Hate James**

**Chapter 3**

_Oh no. _"No no no no no no no no! This can't be happening." It was gone. Gone! "How the hell can it be gone! No one ever looks in the crappy book!" _Breathe Kendall. Just breathe. _I thought to myself. I close me eyes and take a deep breath. I let it out, open my eyes, and stand there just staring. All of a sudden I lost it. There was a very loud scream, and at the moment I didn't realize it was me, and then papers went flying everywhere.

I'm not sure how long I was at it, but at some point the door opened and closed, which I didn't realize until someone cleared their throat. By then, I was in my room going all Caz Manian Devil on the place. I turned around and faced the door. Looking back at me were five sets of eyes. One set being my mom, one Katie's, and the other three sets being those of my fellow band members. Yes, it's worst then it sounds.

"What are you doing?" Mom asked me with a very scrutinizing expression. "Why does the apartment look like a tornado flew through it?"

"Uh, everything is - Carlos!" I screamed, making the Latino jump. "I need to talk to you." I took two giant steps forward and grabbed his wrist, dragging him to my room. I threw Carlos onto my bed and quickly slammed the door shut, locking it for good measure.

I probably looked like a spazzy, paranoid chimp, but I had bigger issues. I grabbed the book I frantically looked through earlier off the shelf and shoved in Carlos' face. "Do you see this?"

Carlos blinked a few times. It was clear he was confused. "An encyclopedia."

"Exactly! It's an EMPTY encyclopedia!" I screeched putting the large book in his face.

Carlos blinked again. "I...I don't understand..."

"Of course you don't! There was a note! A very important note that was supposed to be seen by no one but me!" I said as I started to pace. "And that note is gone!"

"So, you're having a major bitch fit...for a note?" The raven haired boy pondered. "What are you - a middle school girl?"

I'm not sure, but I think I growled at him. "You don't understand Carlos! This note was not just a note!"

"Then what the hell was it? Because I don't see how a note could cause destruction like that!" He jabbed his thumb towards the closed door, showing that he meant the mess I left in the living room. Then he looked thoughtful before breaking out into a wide Carlos-grin. "But dude, how awesome would that be?" He asked excitedly.

I slapped myself in the forehead. "Focus dude! There's a HUGE issue here!" I grabbed the little Latino by the shoulders. "The note was addressed to Logan."

Carlos only blinked at me.

"Why aren't you freaking? There should be freaking!" I shook him. "The note was to Logan telling him how much I hate James, and love him!"

Carlos made an "o" why his lips, nodding a bit. "Now I'm all caught up." He pulled himself from my hold. "I still don't get the big deal. I mean, you don't know who has it."

I dropped my hands from his shoulders to my sides. My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. I honestly couldn't believe it. This boy couldn't see the big deal? "How the hell can you not see the big deal! I don't know who has it! Meaning, anyone could have it, and they could show it to someone, who could show it to someone else, who show it to someone who could show it to James, or worse..Logan!"

Carlos raised his brow. "Don't you think you're overreacting...just a tad?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in order to calm myself, and keep myself from punching something or some_one_. "How the fuck do you figure that Carlos?" I asked as calmly as anyone possibly could in that situation...which in reality, really wasn't much.

"If Logan does read this note, he'll know how you feel and as your best friend he'll either tine it down with James or, even better, realize he's in love with you and you two will date and live happily ever after." He replied optimistically.

I stared at him. It was all I could do. "Ok...true. Or...he could get completely pissed off, and yell at me, reject me, and never speak to me again." I crossed my arms over my chess. "Personally I think that's a more likely scenario."

Carlos folded his arms too. "That's because you've somehow convinced yourself that Logan could never love you." He squinted at me. "That's not the same Kendall Knight I knew eleven years ago. What happened to him?"

"Reality hit him in the face." I said looking away from him.

"Nah," The short boy disagreed. "He's still in there, and I know just who can bring him out." He began smirking evilly.

I felt my eyebrow begin to arch. "I don't like that face. Carlos...what are you talking about?" I asked slightly scared.

He continued to grin, slowly advancing towards me. "I'm talking about the...TICKLE MONSTER!" His hands shot out and he began to tickle me mercilessly.

I began to laugh insanely. "Oh...dude!...Dude!..Ok! Mercy! Mercy man, mercy!" I screeched between bursts of laughter.

Carlos continued to move his fingers frantically against my side, stomach, and pretty much every part of me he could reach. Our antics were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. We both looked towards the door where soft knocking was heard. "Um," Logan's voice was heard. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

I quickly threw Carlos off of me, stood up, and straightened my clothes and hair. "No. No, y-you're good. Not interrupting a thing. Just Carlos being stupid." I said breathing a little heavily from laughing so much.

"Oh, okay then." He sounded awkward. I smiled at the image of Logan being adorably, but awkwardly shifting, his feet. "Uh, Mama Knight wants you guys to come help us."

"Okay, we'll be right out." I called. I waited a few seconds, listening to his footsteps retreating. When it was safe, I let out a loud, frustrated groan and fell onto my bed, my hands covering my face. "This is bad. This is so bad." I kept mumbling to myself.

"Dude, this isn't the end of the world."

"Yes, it is." I moaned into my hands.

He sighed. I could tell he was losing his patience. I must have been really annoying because Carlos never lost his patience. "You know, this never would've happened if you had just been honest with Logan in the first place."

"Oddly enough, that doesn't make me feel any better Carlos." I responded, still not moving from my depressing position.

We were quiet for a minute before I heard Carlos snap his fingers. "I got it!" I uncovered my face and looked up at the gleeful tan boy. I raised my brow, urging him to continue. "When I lost my helmet, me and my Papi watched the security tapes to see everyone who went into the apartment and could have possibly taken it..."

I was starting to connect the dots. "And we should go watch the security tapes to see who went into the apartment from the time we left for the pool, to the time we came back!" I grinned.

"I was going to say that Lightening took it...but that works too!"

**Sorry it took so long. Me and my friend hopped on this and cranked something out for ya.**

**We're sorry if it sucked. It seems sort of like a filler...but...oh well.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I Hate James**

**Chapter 4**

When Carlos and I retreated the room we were immediately attacked with cleaning supplies. I had almost forgotten that we had to clean up the mess in the apartment. I was thankful that everyone decided to help. Well, Me, Carlos, Logan, and James cleaned, Katie "supervised," and mom barked out orders.

Naturally we all goofed off while doing this.

"Hey! Dude! We're supposed to be cleaning up not making another mess! Knock it off!" I yelled/laughed at Carlos who was sweeping away a storm...though instead of actually sweeping, he was just moving stuff around. He was paying more attention to getting the lyrics and dance moves to the song right, then making stuff neat.

"What?" He yelled over the music coming from his ipod as he continued to dance around like a weirdo.

I chuckled, and shook my head. I walked over to him, pulled the headphones from his ears, and yelled "Knock it off and start actually helping with the cleaning."

"Dude, I am helping. See the broom in my hands?" He shook the broom in my face emphasis.

I heard a laugh from behind us. "Seriously, guys? You'll never be done at this rate." Logan walked up and took the broom from Carlos. "Carlitos, you go do something that requires less...effort, and I'll sweep."

Carlos grinned and bounced away.

I chuckled again, and continued to dust and clear the tables. "That is one crazy goofy guy. Remind me why we even bother asking for his help to do anything even remotely related to anything serious and/or cleaning anything." I asked not looking up from the table I was currently working on.

He chuckled as well. "I have no idea." He began sweeping up the bigger mess Carlos had created. "So, if you don't mind me asking, why'd you destroy the apartment?"

I froze, but quickly recovered before he noticed...at least I hoped he hadn't noticed. "I was just looking for some lost homework that it took me forever to do." I shrugged. "Didn't feel like doing it again."

He stopped, raising a suspicious brow at me. "Somehow I doubt you threw a bitch fit over a lost homework assignment...especially since we don't have any homework." He grabbed my hand, pulling me to a semi-private area in the apartment. When he was sure no one could hear us, he turned back to me and whispered, "Come on, dude, what's up? You can tell me anything."

"I'm serious dude. Maybe you didn't have homework, but I did. I asked the teacher for some extra credit. I'm kinda failing or close to failing the class." I replied...without hesitation mind you. I was quite please with myself.

In his eyes I saw a flash of disappointment before he looked elsewhere. "I-I don't get it, man." He whispered. "It's not like you to keep things from me...from any of us." His brown eyes finally met mine again. "Aren't we closer than that?"

My eyes widened in worry. "N-no Logan! I'm serious. I wouldn't lie to you. Not with this." I sighed. "Look, just trust me...trust me enough to not be angry or suspicious."

He hesitated before answering. "I don't Kendall." He rubbed up and down his arm, a nervous habit of his. "Just...you'd definitely tell me if something was up, right?"

I looked down, and rubbed the back of my neck. "I...Yea. Yea Logan. If something was up, I'd tell you." I hated lying to him like this, but I had no choice at the moment.

He smiled, but it wasn't a full smile. He was probably still suspicious. "Good." He patted my shoulder, his hand lingering there for a moment as he stared at me. Before I could completely register what was happening, he cleared his throat and pulled his hand back. I didn't miss the way his fingers brushed against my neck as he did it. "We should, uh, probably get back to work." He mumbled, quickly walking away.

I stood and stared a minute, not exactly sure what just happened. I shook my head. I figured it was best not to think to much about it. So I followed Logan's suit, and went to help the others clean the living room.

"Dude!" I was suddenly attacked by a blur wearing a helmet. The speed in which it was going knocked me to the ground.

I opened my eyes, and at first everything was a blur, but slowly everything went back to normal vision. "What the hell Carlos?"

"Yeah, what the hell?" Carlos sat up but was still straddling my hips. "What was that?"

I looked at the crazy Latino. "What's what I just asked you? Why are you asking me that? I didn't do anything. You're the one who just attacked me." I said, then realizing what position we were in. "Um. Dude. Do you mind getting off me?" I asked quirking an eyebrow at him.

He rolled his eyes and climbed off me, reaching his hand out. I took it. "I mean, what was that with Logan?" He clarified, pulling me to my feet. "You two totally had a moment."

My face went to straight confusion. "What are you talking about? What moment?"

"That..." He began making these goofy, love-dovey faces at me. I looked away quickly. My eyes shifting to Logan who was staring at us.

My eyes got wide and before he could make anymore faces I tackled Carlos to the ground, covering his mouth with both my hands. "Would knock it off! And stop making those faces! You're making him stare at us." I whispered/screeched.

I felt something wet and wiggly run across my hand.

"GAH!" I screeched and then jumped back off of him, landing on my tushy, knees bent and frantically wiped my hand on my jeans. "You licked me! You fuckin licked my hand!" I yelled not realizing how loud I was...or what kind of scene I was making.

Carlos just smirked at me. Katie and my mom were rolling their eyes. Logan continued to stare. James was the only person to speak. "So, is there something we should know about?" He was smirking also, and by his tone I couldn't tell if he was joking or serious.

I shot a glare at the evil Latino boy smirking at me. "No. Nothing at all. Everything's freaking great." I said getting up. "I'm gonna go clean the other room...away from here." I mumbled walking to some random room.

As I turned to walk away, I heard James call out, "Don't forget your boyfriend!"

I stopped. Then realizing he probably meant Carlos, and groaned. Not even bothering with a reply, I just kept walking and ended up in my room, slightly slamming the door shut. I walked to my bed, sat down on the floor, using the bed as a back rest, and bent my knees laying my head on them.

Who knows how long I was sitting there before I heard a knock at the door. "Kendall!" I heard Carlos' voice from the other side. "Open up, you hermit." He continued knocking rather loudly.

I inwardly groaned. "I heard that! Don't groan at me." I heard from behind the door. Ok, so I thought I inwardly groaned...apparently not.

"I'll groan if I want to. But I'll tell you what, leave now and I won't groan at you again. How about that?" I asked, not lifting my head.

"But this is important." He persisted. "I thought you wanted to get your letter back. We still have to check the security cameras."

My head shot up at what he just said. I jumped to my feet, pulled the door open, and grabbed his arm pulling him to the front door. "Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!" I said pulling him with me to the hallway.

When we reached the lobby, I pulled Carlos straight to Bitters' desk and rang the bell. I finally released Carlos as I patiently waited. "Seriously, dude? You could've just said 'follow me.'" Carlos spoke, smoothing down his now wrinkled and stretched shirt. "'To the lobby!' would've worked too."

"This was more fun." I shrugged. "Plus, I owed you for tackling me to the ground earlier. This is the best thing I could do right now. Now, to the security camera place...room...thing." I said loudly, pointing in some random direction.

"It's actually right here." He said pointing to the computer right in front of us.

I looked down. "Oh." I said. Then I bent down to get a close look at the computer, Carlos right beside me. I scratched my head, and cocked my head. "Now what?"

"Now, we have to figure out Bitters' passcode." He told me immediately getting to work on the computer. Not thirty seconds later we were in.

"Where'd you learn that?" I smiled at him. I was kind of impressed.

"Katie." He said simply.

I nodded. "Of course." I then watched as he pressed many more buttons.

"Aha!" He said five minutes later. Scaring the shit out of me in the process.

I looked at him, then at the computer screen not seeing anything. "You found it?" I asked.

"Yep!" He smiled excitedly. "Now we just have to watch everyone who went up into the apartment from the time we went to the pool to the time you came back."

We did just that. We watched the screen in fast forward and for a while we didn't see anything but hallway. After a minute we saw James and Logan go into the apartment together and then come back out. "Dude!" I exclaimed to Carlos.

"Oh, yeah, they _did _leave the pool for a while." He commented mostly to himself.

I gawked at him. "You don't think that information would've been useful, I don't know, four hours ago?"

"I'm sorry! I forgot!" He yelled back at me.

I slapped myself in the forehead, stood up, and started pacing. "Now what?" I asked more myself than anyone. "We've got it narrowed down to two." I groaned. "Neither hasn't been acting differently. Gah! I don't know who I'd rather have it be. Both would be killer."

In the corner of my eye I could see Carlos rolling his eyes. "I don't know why you're still making such a big deal out of this." He mumbled. "From what I saw today, Logan is totally into you."

I froze, and looked at him. "What? No he isn't. He just likes me as a damn friend." I said incredulously. "And that's it."

"You didn't see the look he gave you." Carlos still tried to convince me. "He was all..." He started making that face at me again and this time he added batting his eyes at me.

I made a disgusted face. "Dude. Please. Stop it. You're freaking me out here, and you're scaring the little kids." I said pointing to a couple little kids staring at Carlos looking like they were about to cry.

"They'll be fine, but you won't be until you tell Logan exactly how you feel. Thus, starting a beautiful new relationship and saving your friendship with James." He was once again being optimistic.

"Do you hear yourself when you talk, or is it like a loud humming sound to you?" I asked. He said nothing. "Ok, say you're right. Logan likes me. I tell him, we start dating. My friendship with James won't be saved. He'll hate my guts, because I stole his boyfriend from him."

"James won't hate you. Say what you want about him, he's still our friend and he cares about Logan. I bet as long as you're both happy, he'll be happy." Carlos grinned. "Admittedly, he'll be jealous, but he'll find someone new...he is James after all!"

I shook my head. "You're crazy, Garcia."

"You're in denial."

"You're delusional."

"You're stubborn."

"You're unrealistic."

"You're unreasonable."

"You...you're..." I frowned. Carlos smirked at me. "Smug bastard..." I mumbled dryly.

"Guys!" I heard James call. We both looked over and saw him with his arm wrapped around Logan's waist. I suppressed a growl at the sight. "If you two are done with your lover's quarrel, Gustavo needs us at the studio."

I sighed angrily. "Let's go." I walked around the counter like a sensible person while Carlos jumped over it and ran to the door. I continued walking, but I noticed that Logan had moved from under James' arm and was off to the side, having a private conversation with Carlos.

I couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about.


	5. Chapter 5

**I ****Hate**** James**

**Chapter**** 5**

"Okay, look at it this way man. You don't have much of a choice here. The only surreal way to find out who took the note is to just grow some balls and ask them." Carlos said as we were sitting in my room a couple days later. He was sitting against the wall directly across from my bed, playing with a yo-yo.

Things hadn't really changed since my note was found. James and Logan were still together being all lovey dovey, and Carlos was still being an idiot who thought everything was gonna turn out like a fairytale and Logan and I will live happily ever after.

Psh...Please.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need to grow some balls Carlos. I have plenty. But I just don't see it turning out like you do. One or both of them will hate me either way." I said sprawled out on my bed. My head was hanging off the edge.

"No way. Logan will never hate you. Have you not even been paying attention to anything?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the way Logan acts around you. Whenever you two interact it always involves a long staring contest, and the-"

"I swear dude, if you start making those faces again, I will tackle your Latino ass." I said interrupting him. "And besides, no it doesn't. I think you're imagining it."

He shook his head. "No, you're just a pessimist. Always looking at the glass half empty."

"Actually no. I don't look at the glass half empty or half full. It's just a glass that I don't pay attention to."

He sighed. "Fine...whatever. We're off subject anyway. You wanna know who got the note, and you're not willing to go ask them. So how are you planning to find out?"

I sat up and looked at him. "I'm going to get some help."

He cocked his head. "Help? From whom?"

I smirked. "The greatest mastermind we know."

"Katie." We said at the same time.

A second later my door opened and she walked in. "Did someone call me?"

I sat up and smiled. "Katie, have I told you how much I love you lately?"

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "What do you idiots need?"

"We need information."

Her brow quirked with interest. I smirked at Carlos who smiled back. "Kendall hid a letter that he didn't want anyone to find in one of the encyclopedias but now it's gone."

"We checked Bitters' security tapes and found out that the only people who could have it are James and Logan."

"And you can't just go ask them who has it because...?"

Carlos opened his mouth to answer, but sensing he was going to call me an idiot in so many words, I jumped up and covered his mouth. "Because it's a very personal matter, and I'd much rather just find out who has, take it back, and shred it."

She looked at Carlos in question. Carlos just shrugged. I uncovered his mouth. "I don't get it either. I say let 'em read it and see what happens."

"And I say no." I said firmly, giving a hard look to Carlos.

Both Katie's eyebrows went up in shock. Very rarely did I ever get that firm. "Whoa. Okay, big bro calm your butt down. What is so important about this letter that puts your panties in a wad?" She asked.

"I do not want to go into it. Are you gonna help me or not?"

Silence. "Fine, I'll help."

I blinked. "Just like that? You don't want anything out of it?"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Kendall, I'm your baby sister, and even if I don't ever show it...I still love you. And I hate seeing you so uptight and upset. If getting that letter back will bring back the old Kendall, then cool."

I smiled. "I love you too lil sis."

"OK, enough with the brother-sister moment. Now how are we gonna get the letter back?" Asked Carlos.

We both looked at Katie.

"Well, there are many different ways to do this, and since you don't want to take the direct route...we have to look at all the indirect routes." Katie said as she began to pace. Carlos moved up to sit beside me on the bed.

"Well isn't that a 'Duh!'?" I asked.

She gave me the look.

"Shutting up." I said quickly, then I elbowed Carlos in the ribs when I heard him giggling.

Katie rolled her eyes as if calling us dorks or something. After, there was silence as Carlos and I watched her pace back and forth across my room. Twenty minutes later I was getting tired, and Katie was still pacing.

I groaned. "Please tell me you have come up with something!" I pleaded.

"Uhm...I have no idea what you're talking about."

I shot up into a sitting position, wondering when I went into a laying position. I looked beside me and there was Logan where Carlos used to be. I looked about the room and saw that Carlos and Katie were nowhere to be found. I looked at Logan with a questioning look. "Where are Carlos and Katie? And when did you get here?" I asked

He looked at me. "Katie ran off with Carlitos a few minutes ago, said they had some stuff to do and they left you in here sleeping."

I blinked. "How long have I been out then? I don't even remember falling asleep. Last I remember Carlos and I were sitting on the bed watching Katie pace."

"They said you fell asleep about ten minutes into the waiting and that when you woke up, Katie said to tell you 'Don't worry big bro, I got your back. Everything's gonna be okay.'"

I didn't say anything. I just stared at him.

He shook his head. "Don't worry Kendall, I'm not gonna even try and get it out of you. I know you'll tell me in your own time."

I took a breath. "Ok then. What are you doing here?"

"Came to see if you wanted to hang."

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not long. A few minutes. You're very interesting to watch sleep." He smirked.

I opened and closed my mouth several times. Then deciding not to go there, I sighed. "Ok, so you wanna go chill by the pool?"

He nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

**I**** Hate ****James**

**Chapter**** 6**

"So, how have you been?"

"Logan, you saw me not even five hours ago. I'm not much different than I was then." I said not looking at him.

He rolled his eyes. "There has to be something. We haven't sat down and talked in a while and we're best friends who live together." He reached over to my lounger and pushed my shoulder lightly. "Isn't that sad?"

"Never said it wasn't. It's just...I've got nothing to talk about. Nothing new. It's all the usual." I shrugged.

"Oh," He nodded, falling into silence again. "Why aren't you hanging out today?" He finally spoke up.

"I don't know. Just still tired from my nap is all." I said not really paying attention.

"I was kind of surprised that you weren't hanging out with Carlos today." He shrugged. "Since the two of you have gotten so close lately."

"He went off with Katie. I believe you're the one who told me that." I looked at him, than back at the random people walking by. "I see no point in going and looking for them. They'll probably find me later."

He looked at his lap, playing with his hands. "It's just...weird." He said quietly.

I raised my brow at him. "That I've been hanging out with Carlos more, or that I'm not hanging out with him now?"

"I...just..." The brunet shook his head. "I don't know." He laughed. "Both, maybe?" He shrugged.

"What's so weird about it?" I asked. "We're friends, we hang out. And with you hanging out with James all the time, we're all we've got." I said a bit bitterly.

The genius gaped at me. "I don't hang out with James all the time."

I raised both my eyebrow at him. "Logan..."

"I don't!" He chuckled.

"Riiight..." I said looking away.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not hanging out with him now, am I?"

"Woo...once. That's a record."

"It's definitely been more than once." He huffed. "Trust me, everyone, even me, needs a break from _The __Face__._" He mockingly imitated James' jazz hands thing. "You were just always with Carlos." He mumbled the last part. I barely caught it.

"You never asked. If you would have asked to hang out, I would have said okay without any hesitation. But you you didn't. You just kept going with James. I didn't know."

"You never asked either." He responded. We fell back into silence after that. We both let out simultaneous sighs. "I guess we were both being pretty stupid, huh?" He chuckled lightly.

"You more than me. Everyone knows not to interrupt a couple from doing something. It's okay to interrupt two friends from doing something." I smiled.

"Gee, thanks, Kendall." He shoved me playfully.

I shoved him back, my smile getting wider. "No problem Logie."

He glared, punching me in the shoulder. "I was being sarcastic, you jackass." He hit me again.

I just smiled and laughed. "You know, despite the fact that you like hitting me, it's nice hanging out with you again, Logie." That was the understatement of the century. I had been wanting to have Logan all to myself since the moment we met.

"It is nice to have my old punching bag back." He laughed. "James can't take a punch like you can."

At the mention of the brunette's name, my smile lessened slightly. "Heh, thanks." I said gulping and looking down.

"So, um," Logan began rubbing up and down his arms in an uneasy fashion. "What do you and Carlos even do together all day?"

I raised my brow at the awkward looking boy but he wasn't looking at me. He instead found the pool water extremely interesting. "Uh...nothing really. We just hang out. Talk. Mess around. You know...that sorta thing."

"Oh, that's nice." He gave a small smile.

"Yeah, you know it's good to hang out with him. We have some interesting conversations." I chuckled to myself thinking back to one of those interesting conversations in particular involving a monkey and James.

"What's so funny?" Logan asked looking at me curiously.

I smiled, shaking my head. "Nothing. Just thinking about a conversation Carlos and I had a while ago. It involved a monkey and James. It was one of those hypothetical convos."

He quirked an eyebrow.

"So not getting into it. You may not like it so much. In fact you may just punch me again."

"You don't know that for sure."

I nodded. "Oh yes I do. Trust me Logie." I said looking at him. "You wouldn't like it."

"That bad?"

"Oh yes."

He shook his head and looked down. "Yo-"

"Kendall!" Carlos interrupted him.

I jerked my head to the sound of my name. Carlos was running at me, Katie at his heels.

"What is it?" I asked when they got close enough.

"We...have news...about...the...thing." The Latino said trying to catch his breath. He was bent down, his hands on his knees.

"Really?" I asked looking at Katie. She nodded. "Good news?" She nodded again. I immediately perked up. I turned to Logan who was looking at us with a confused expression on his face. "I'm sorry Logie, but I gotta go. Do you mind if we pick this up later?" I asked.

Sadness crossed his features, but he nodded. "Sure...Kendall. That's fine."

I smiled, and stood up. I gave him a quick hug. "Thanks Logie, I owe you one." I said as I walked away following Katie and Carlos to the lobby.

* * *

**So...yeah...I don't know how to feel about this chapter.  
**

**I want to be able to explain, but I can't find the words to do that.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**I**** Hate ****James**

**Chapter**** 7**

Five minutes later, Katie, Carlos, and I ended at a table in a semi-private corner of the lobby.

"So what did you guys find out?" I asked, slightly excited.

Katie and Carlos looked at each other. "Well..." Carlos started.

"We know who has the letter." Katie quickly finished.

My excitement grew, and so did the smile on my face. "Really?"

Both nodded, but didn't look happy. They actually looked slightly worried. At that my smile, and excitement lessened.

"What? I thought you said it was good news." I questioned.

Carlos rubbed the back of his neck, and looked down. "That was the good news." He said sounding nervous.

I quirked my eyebrow. "So...who has my letter then?" I asked again.

Silence.

"Oh come on guys. You dragged me away from Logan for this. You guys have to tell me who has the damn letter. I promise I won't freak."

They looked at each other again seemingly having a very intense conversation about this. I didn't understand what had them so freaked about this. The only thing I could think of was if Logan had been the one to find it...but nah...couldn't be. I quickly shook that thought from my head. There's no way. He's been acting way to casual for someone who found a letter from his best friend telling him just how much said best friend hates his boyfriend and such. He's way too blase for that.

No one could hide it that well...Right?

Someone sighed, knocking me out of my thoughts.

"So?"

Again, someone sighed. "Kendall.." It was Katie.

"What?"

"It was..." She stopped.

My brows furrowed. I was getting annoyed with this now. Why can't they just spit it out.

"Logan." Carlos finished.

"What?" I asked again, hoping I heard them wrong.

"Logan...found the note. It was stuck in one of his jean pockets. Mom found it when she started doing laundry. I grabbed it from her before she could read it." Katie looked down.

"No." I whispered. My eyes felt like they were about to pop out. My jaw hit the floor. No no no no no no no no no no no. No! No way. This couldn't happen. He has it. He knows. My world stopped. No longer could I hear or see anyone around me. Katie and Carlos faded from my vision. There was just darkness.

"Kendall? Kendall...Kendall?" I vaguely heard someone calling out my name from far away.

"Kendall!" All of a sudden I felt pain.

"Ow! What the hell?" I shot up, barely registering the fact that I actually had to sit up, and last I remembered...I was sitting up...in a chair. Not on the floor. _What__ the __hell__?_

I looked around only to find Carlos, Katie, and a few other bystanders staring at me with slight concern.

"Alright folks. He's fine. The show's over." Katie said waving away the crowd.

"What happened?" I asked Carlos.

"You passed out dude." He said, stretching out a hand to help me up.

I groaned. Running my hand through my hair. "Of course I did." I shook my head, grabbing his hand, and stood. "Thanks man."

"No problem."

We all stared at each other for a minute, before I spoke up.

"I can't believe it." I groaned into my hands. "H-how could Logan have the letter? He hasn't been acting any differently. He's been normal. If he had the letter, then why doesn't he hate me? Why hasn't he brought it up?"

Carlos began bouncing. "Because he's into you!" He giggled excitedly.

"Would you stop that!" I glared at the small smiley Latino. "You don't have any proof that he's into me!"

"Do you have any proof he isn't?" He threw in my face.

"He's still with James isn't he?"

"It doesn't mean he isn't into you. You were with Jo but you were still into Logan." The short boy pointed out with a smug smile.

My head fell. Of course he would bring that up. Damn him.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked looking at Carlos.

"Talk to him." Katie said automatically. Until that point, I had kind of forgotten she was there. Considering she had been silent the whole time, probably looking between me and Carlos. I was slightly embarrassed, but figured Hey, she's my little sis. She would've figured it out eventually.

I turned to look at her. "How?" I asked incredulously. "Just go up and say 'Hey Logie, I know you found my letter about hating your boyfriend'? Oh yeah, I'm sure that would turn out fine." I said sarcastically.

Katie glared. "No. That'd be stupid." She deadpanned. "Just talk. You were just doing it. Except this time, casually slip in the letter. Calm down."

"Yeah, stop worrying so much." Carlos reached forward, poking my forehead and face. "You're gonna get wrinkles."

"Oh right right right. Why didn't I think about that? 'Oh hey Logie. How's it going? Lovely day out. By the way, about the letter you found...' Yeah...so much better." I glared at the two of them. "Are you crazy!"

The hand poking my face suddenly slapped me. It wasn't as hard and powerful as Camille's slaps, but it still stung a little. I glared at my short friend while Katie looked at him in surprise. "What?" His eyes shifted. "He was freaking out!"

I'm not sure, but I think I growled at him. "Carlos..." I said through clenched teeth. "Now is not the time to go around slapping people who will more than likely _kill_ you in return."

The Latino squinted his eyes at me. "You have worry lines." He stated, once again poking my forehead.

I stared at him like he had three heads, before sighing and chuckling. "Oh my god.." I groaned, running my hand through my hair for the thousandth time in the past five minutes, and fell back into the chair I had been sitting in before. I shook my head. This could not be happening. But it is, and there's no way to turn back the clock.

"I turned to my two little helpers who had taken their seats from earlier. "Alright. You guys are right."

They both looked at me in shock.

"Yeah, I know. I actually admitted to someone being right."

They nodded. Carlos opened his mouth, but Katie smacked him. "Shut it. Do not interrupt this lovely moment of us being right."

I rolled my eyes. "Look, the point is Logan has the letter and he's probably read it. There's no point in ignoring it, because if it doesn't come up now, it'll be brought up at a very bad time with my luck. So..." I paused.

"So?" Katie started smiling.

"You're gonna talk to him!" Carlos finished excitedly. Again, jumping up and down in his chair.

I looked at them with the most serious face I've ever had, and gave one quick nod.

"I'm going to talk to Logan."

* * *

**This was actually ready a week ago...I just forgot all about it.**

**I'm absent minded like that.  
**


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